Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Holes made Whole: 2 become 3, or 4

If you would have asked us in May what November and December looked like for us we would have spoke briefly of turkey and Christmas parties, followed by an anxious, exciting, nervous conversation about "nesting" and preparing our lives for our family to become 3 around the 17th of December!

But just a month later it would have been a totally different conversation.


Before we ever got married Brett and I talked of adopting and other ways to "care for the orphans."  Brett brought up fostering a couple times but selfishly my heart said no! I didn't think I could handle caring for a child that could at anytime be stripped away from us.  Loving a child as your own for a week or up to year and at any unexpected moment they be removed from our lives.  I wasn't prepared to test my heart in that way.

After we got married and understood the possibility of infertility, my heart was content with that, broken, but content. I knew adopting was an option. 

During a conversation with a particular friend about her health and ability to safely carry a baby, I had even made statements like, "as heart breaking as infertility is, I can't imagine how much more challenging it would be to get pregnant and loose the baby."

So months later when I found myself in the midst of that exact trial, I questioned God, "why would He take a heart content with absence, and tear it with loss?"

Eventually, He would answer that question for me...

My heart was also selfishly content with disobeying a very important commandment... to care for orphans

I was only willing to do this on my own terms, within my own comfort-zone.

My number one reason for not wanting to foster was because those children could be taken from me at anytime.  Through miscarriage, God showed me that even "my own" children, are not my own, and can still be taken from us at anytime.  Children are a blessing, despite how they come to us, and every child deserves a loving home that points them in the direction of our perfect Heavenly Father.  We can not let fear, or loss of control keep us from God's will for our lives.  It was not God's plan for us to miscarry, He did not cause the death of our child.  But, He did allow it, and He used it to bring us to a place of huge blessing!!!

So in May, when we told you how anxious, nervous, and excited we would be with preparation, we were right, it just looks a little different than we thought...

The process has begun for Brett and I to be foster parents! The first couple rounds of paper work & our first walk-through have been done! Our Christmas list has been made, and we are preparing to love on kids who may not know what that looks like, and hopefully point them in the direction of the One perfect Love we all need a little bit more of!!!

So pray for us as we prepare our hearts and home!